It recently became clear to me that, apart from coming here in the first place, I haven't actually tried many 'new things' since I've been in India. This is, admittedly, largely down to a fear of new things and not wanting to be accused of 'finding myself' in the extremely harsh Andrewland media A.K.A Facebook. So on yet another predictably sunny weekend down in Mahabilipuram, I cast all my self-awareness aside and went for an hour-long massage.
Before anyone starts getting suspicious that I was paying for a 'sexy' massage, I can assure them that there was nothing sexy about it because:-
a) It was from a bloke.
b) It was from a bloke that looked a lot like an Indian Ian Rush. Not even Ian Rush's wife would pay for that.
The massage was apparently 'Ayurvedic'. I've just spent 2 fruitless minutes looking at the article for this on wikipedia but am none-the-wiser because it wasn't about something easily digestible like Eastenders. All I know is that the massage was very thorough.
I'd love to report that the experience was an incredibly relaxing one but for a couple of minor/major concerns. For no reason, they will be listed in reverse chronological order:-
1. He finished the massage by telling me to shut my eyes. Obviously, when you're lying prone, almost naked and a man orders you to shut your eyes, you tend to just shut one and have the other eye firmly locked on the potential nutcase. I was worried further still by him saying a prayer above my head followed by covering my face with his hands for a minute or so. If i'm not mistaken it was the same method people use to close a dead person's eyes, so I wasn't entirely relaxed by this development. The end result was that he didn't attack me but you could tell he was weighing up the pros and the cons.
2. My arse was out. Not fully on display but certainly there for everyone (the masseur) to see. My understanding of the whole masseur/massagee contract was that my arse would be covered by a towel at ALL times. I tried to comfort myself with an "oh well, you know, that's India!", but I think that is just a very clever marketing ploy by the Indian Tourist Board that serves as an excuse for every bad thing that happens over here.
That's the last time I try anything new for a while.
Before anyone starts getting suspicious that I was paying for a 'sexy' massage, I can assure them that there was nothing sexy about it because:-
a) It was from a bloke.
b) It was from a bloke that looked a lot like an Indian Ian Rush. Not even Ian Rush's wife would pay for that.
The massage was apparently 'Ayurvedic'. I've just spent 2 fruitless minutes looking at the article for this on wikipedia but am none-the-wiser because it wasn't about something easily digestible like Eastenders. All I know is that the massage was very thorough.
I'd love to report that the experience was an incredibly relaxing one but for a couple of minor/major concerns. For no reason, they will be listed in reverse chronological order:-
1. He finished the massage by telling me to shut my eyes. Obviously, when you're lying prone, almost naked and a man orders you to shut your eyes, you tend to just shut one and have the other eye firmly locked on the potential nutcase. I was worried further still by him saying a prayer above my head followed by covering my face with his hands for a minute or so. If i'm not mistaken it was the same method people use to close a dead person's eyes, so I wasn't entirely relaxed by this development. The end result was that he didn't attack me but you could tell he was weighing up the pros and the cons.
2. My arse was out. Not fully on display but certainly there for everyone (the masseur) to see. My understanding of the whole masseur/massagee contract was that my arse would be covered by a towel at ALL times. I tried to comfort myself with an "oh well, you know, that's India!", but I think that is just a very clever marketing ploy by the Indian Tourist Board that serves as an excuse for every bad thing that happens over here.
That's the last time I try anything new for a while.
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