I've gone travelling alone for the week just to give it a try. At the moment i'm in Mysore, the home of a historic palace that was the seat of Karnataka's royal Wodeyar family for centuries. Or some shit like that anyway.
It has such a stupid name that I had to resist the usual urges to make a pun in the title of this post. It would be like tabloid newspapers suggesting that the shadow chancellor had made a 'Balls up' every time he made a mistake. Far too easy.
Without playing my violin too loudly, it turns out that sightseeing alone is a bit dull. I know that the only reason I would normally pay to visit monuments or famous landmarks is so that I can take the mick out of it. Walking round the palace today, my exterior was silent but my insides were bursting; with both fresh comedy gold and piss. I am drinking a lot of water.
After giving the palace a once over just in case there was anything more stimulating than 'impressive architecture', I tried to make my exit. However, I took the wrong path and soon found myself face to moustachioed face with a dumpy little guard. He didn't seem to comprehend my enquiries about an exit and started pointing towards elephants. Uh-oh. This was the point where I knew I was about to make a fresh withdrawal from the Royal Bank of Mysore. He walked me towards the elephants, (who he assured me were Royal Indian elephants), and introduced me to their keeper whilst also having a quick check to see if there were any officials watching. Next thing I knew, he'd taken my camera, whipped me on top of one of the surprisingly hairy monstrosities and become David Bailey. About a minute later I had my feet back on terra firma and there were four arms outstretched, expecting the easiest payday since Hans Segers forgot to make some saves for The Crazy Gang. I chucked some cash at them and walked for my life.
I suppose that after all my complaining, I'll forget about the rest of the day within months but should have some pictures of me atop an elephant 4 lyf. And for a lot less than I paid for a key ring from Cadbury World of myself and some friends posing with a massive model of a cocoa bean.
It has such a stupid name that I had to resist the usual urges to make a pun in the title of this post. It would be like tabloid newspapers suggesting that the shadow chancellor had made a 'Balls up' every time he made a mistake. Far too easy.
Without playing my violin too loudly, it turns out that sightseeing alone is a bit dull. I know that the only reason I would normally pay to visit monuments or famous landmarks is so that I can take the mick out of it. Walking round the palace today, my exterior was silent but my insides were bursting; with both fresh comedy gold and piss. I am drinking a lot of water.
After giving the palace a once over just in case there was anything more stimulating than 'impressive architecture', I tried to make my exit. However, I took the wrong path and soon found myself face to moustachioed face with a dumpy little guard. He didn't seem to comprehend my enquiries about an exit and started pointing towards elephants. Uh-oh. This was the point where I knew I was about to make a fresh withdrawal from the Royal Bank of Mysore. He walked me towards the elephants, (who he assured me were Royal Indian elephants), and introduced me to their keeper whilst also having a quick check to see if there were any officials watching. Next thing I knew, he'd taken my camera, whipped me on top of one of the surprisingly hairy monstrosities and become David Bailey. About a minute later I had my feet back on terra firma and there were four arms outstretched, expecting the easiest payday since Hans Segers forgot to make some saves for The Crazy Gang. I chucked some cash at them and walked for my life.
I suppose that after all my complaining, I'll forget about the rest of the day within months but should have some pictures of me atop an elephant 4 lyf. And for a lot less than I paid for a key ring from Cadbury World of myself and some friends posing with a massive model of a cocoa bean.
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