The Internet

Had a few people suggest i'm on the internet too much whilst i'm here. This is a fair assessment, i'm on here all the sodding time.But for, i'd argue, very good reason. I'm not, as some might expect, on here to check whether someone I met once is still in a complicated relationship with another person I had a brief exchange with at the same party. Nope, the number one reason for pissing hundreds and hundreds of rupees away in an Internet cafe is: Death. (Well, aside from mind-crippling boredom as well.) More specifically, the death of minor celebrities. All the time my attention is being diverted onto Indian things, I am scared of missing their deaths and being able to tick them off my checklist.

Let's say, for instance, that Patricia Routledge (of Keeping Up Appearances and Hetty Wainthropp Investigates fame) died tomorrow and i'm away from the internet for the next 2 days. Now, the poor old bird hasn't been in the limelight much for the last 10 years (Probably those ageist BBC scum at work again!) but that doesn't change the fact she's played a big part in my Sunday afternoon viewing habits whilst growing up. It also means that her death will probably only receive 24, maybe 36 hours of press coverage before it enters the news vaults forever. Then there's a good chance I won't have a conversation about the woman for anything up to 10 years. So, the year's 2020, i'm sitting in the pub and the conversation turns to classic sitcoms and suddenly i chime in with, 'oh my god, I can't believe that Pat Routledge is still alive'. To which another customer,Old Tommy, replies, "what planet are you living on mate? She died on November 28th 2010 peacefully at her home in Chichester, West Sussex." After this, there could be no recovery. I would have so much egg on my face that I would have to leave 3 quarters of a pint  for the drains and make a hasty exit. Also, the year will be 2020 so pints will probably cost about a tenner.

And this is why the internet is a force for the good.