I've got head-lice.
Which is actually fine because it draws my hand's attention away from my mosquito bites. Luckily, times have changed since they invented the comb and it isn't necessary to shave all your hair off anymore. It's also my only ailment so far and was always inevitable because they're as popular as Pogs amongst the kids at school. Certainly better than contracting Japanese Encephalitis which i'm reliably informed causes your brain to expand so much in your head that it explodes. Or something like that anyway.
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